I obviously don’t have the time to do much with this. It has been since May since I made my last post.  I’m only here now because Facebook has been down for us for three days. We can read everyone’s posts, but we can’t post replies or comments or status or photos. It is like standing outside watching a great party. You can see and hear them, but you can’t contribute anything. But stay tuned…

I’m still trying to figure out the best way to deal with all the junk postings to this blog without requiring that everyone register… stay tuned.

Can we please have more interesting names for the disease of the week? Apparently the folks who raise pigs objected, so now it is H1N1. Wha? Why can’t it be “Screaming Pink Monkey Flu” ?

Visit NYC. Visit Chinatown. Go to Pearl River.
Most excellent.

http://blog.pearlrivermart.com/

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a tiny spider.

But I digress…

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?”

He answers, “You see, it’s like this. Yesterday I sent my wife to the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin
of tobacco and some rolling papers; because it’s soooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she!”

This guy continues to amaze me. He is fearless.
http://www.extremeinstability.com/index.htm

His DVDs are great, his photos breathtaking. And he lives just a few blocks down the street from the house I grew up in. It is a small, but very amazing world.

Yes, I have been slacking off. Patience.

I recently got busted for being an old guy on Facebook.

My only personal experience with prejudice was when I was a long-haired hippy in Nebraska in the early 1970’s. I’m now middle-aged, middle-class, white, straight, fairly well-educated with no noticeable accent. I’m pretty much invisible.

I noticed in the profile of the daughter of a friend from high-school days that she called herself a “total hippie”. I tried to post a comment “if you want to know where all the hippies are now, move to New England.”

BBzzzzzttt! Red lights flashing, alarms sounding. At least that is what I imagine happened in Facebook’s software.

Crash. No post.

I tried again. Same thing. Weird, I thought. I posted some other stuff successfully, then went back to try the above again. Crash again.

Then I figured out what was going on. D’oh. I’m still not used to being an over-50 guy in today’s world. I have nothing against Facebook. I’m actually impressed with how slick their software must be. They get points from me.

No more friendly Uncles. Too bad. I like to think I make a pretty good friendly Uncle.

I thought back over the many anthropology classes I took in college. This particular arms race has been going on for millions of years. How do we tell the friendly uncle from the not-so-friendly? When we all lived in the same village we could look each other in the eye. But the not-so-friendly ones learned to smile with their eyes when they weren’t really smiling (or were smiling for the wrong reason.)

We all have built in lie detectors. Sometimes they work. Sometimes they don’t. How do we qualify for our “Good Person” certificates in today’s online world? Suggestions? Actually, if you have a good suggestion, don’t bother telling me. Patent it. You’ll be rich.

(Note: I didn’t write these, but I have a friend who is about to deliver any day now — CFAW)

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a
baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that
sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll
feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called
an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery
room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering
from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin
to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Some things never change. After listening to the usual news today about financial gloom and doom, Don Henley’s “Gimme What You Got” from his 1989 “End of Innocence” came up on the jukebox. Run “lyrics Henley Gimme” through Google and read the lyrics. “You cross a lawyer with the godfather, baby, Make you an offer that you can’t understand” Argh.